Wednesday, September 26, 2012

BOXERS VS. BRIEFS! What type of underwear is best for your man situation?

It’s time for BAMB! to tackle one of the ever important man questions: Boxers or Briefs? At the end of the day, what underwear a man chooses to wear comes down to personal preference, and it’s hard to argue with preferences.  But, a real man’s preferences are always based on a series of measurable factors.  After all, men love to measure things... whether those things be inside or outside their underwear.  The common measuring factors most men use when choosing what garment to wrap around their magic man parts comes down to the following variables: personal experience, utility and function, affordability, easy of use, what’s readily available, and what's most comfortable.  All of these variables are worth our time and exploration.  Our goal is to get down to the nitty gritty, and answer the most important man question: What type of underwear is best for your man situation?

Don't tell Arnold briefs ain't manly!
But, before we slide both of our hairy legs through the cotton comfort of this ever expanding man question, we must briefly pause and thank BAMB! family, friends, and supporters for willingly participating in our most recent man survey.  That's right people, for the past two months we at BAMB! have been polling men on their underwear preferences.  We compiled of list of over 50 men from various ages and walks of life in order to get to the heart (or, more accurately, the crotch) of this situation.  The data that each contributor provided has proven to be most revealing, and therefore this blog wouldn’t have been possible without their support!  So, a big BAMB! thank you to all the men who were badass enough to participate!

Now, let's see what our man studies have taught us...

As it would turn out, if given the option, many men probably wouldn't choose to wear any clothing at all.  They would choose to be free from constricting, itchy, scratchy, tight, and uncomfortable attire.  Imagine the glory of meandering through open fields with nothing on but what the good Lord gave us.  Woodland creatures would scatter in terror, baby's would cry, the elderly would have strokes, and women of reasonable age would look on with disgust and disapproval... but, men would be happy; they would be free; they wouldn't be bothered by fickle fashion or unnecessary crotch chaffing.

Unfortunately, we don't live in that glorious man world.  Unlike our Neanderthal cousins, we badass Homo Sapiens live in an evolved world of class wars, sensible fashion trends, and prefrontal cortexes... Damn you frontal lobe!  I believe that someone from somewhere said it best when they said, "A naked man is like an undecorated Christmas tree."  Accordingly, if we men want to lure in the ladies and spread our man seeds across the world we've gotta' start decorating our trees with some blinky lights and decorative tinsels, and that's where underwear comes in!

Truthfully, when a man makes the difficult choice of where to store his babymaker, he has more options than just boxers and briefs.  To complicate matters even further, boxers and briefs come in a wide variety of cuts and styles.  But for the sake of simplicity, today we will focus our attention on the four main options men have to choose from.  Those options are: boxers, briefs, boxer-briefs, or operation commando.  Our goal at BAMB! is to provide a comprehensive look at all the pros and cons of these individual choices.  Hopefully when our man readers are through reading this blog they will know exactly what type of underwear is best for their man situation.

David Beckham in awkward underwear ad

The Pros:  There are many pros to wearing a good pair of briefs.  There was a time when briefs were the preferred choice of underwear for all men.  Up until the 1990s most men wore briefs, but as times changed, so did manderwear! The popularity of the brief has recently returned for some, and for others it never left.  Many badass men we polled wear briefs everyday.  Their primary reasons can be summed up as follows:
  • Briefs provide support so that a man's junk isn't just flopping in the wind.
This is certainly true. Briefs are known for their added support.  Briefs are like a bra for your penis and nut sack; they hold everything together... no jiggletown! Many men find comfort knowing that their man parts are in a safe, contained area where they will be protected from the elements. 
  • Briefs keep a man's wanker contained and prevent unnecessary exposure and help to thwart  awkward boner moments.
Let's be honest, no one wants to see your junk poking out; it's distracting and weird.  Briefs prevent this and also act as a boner shield!  There is nothing more awkward than an inopportune boner.  When our soldiers like to go for a stretch... it's nice to know they'll have a tether to keep 'em close to home, and that's were briefs come in handy.  The tight stretchy quality of briefs allow a wiener to flex while preventing any unnecessary exposure.
  • Briefs are better for sporting, as they make your crotch more aerodynamic and cause less drag and wind resistance.    
Only very brave, and arguably stupid, men let their man parts hang free when playing sports.  When running, kicking, jumping, or frolicking, a man is inviting danger to his man area if he doesn't properly contain his man goods.  Briefs keep the goods in a safe location and also help prevent unnecessary chaffing and rubbing.  Accordingly, even a regular boxer wearer will often don the brief if sporting activities are on his schedule. 
  • Briefs do not bunch up or wedge in the ass crack when wearing form fitting clothing.
Funny man Will Ferrell sporting his briefs!
Truth be told, many long time boxer wears have put the boxers back in the drawer and started wearing briefs again due to recent changes in men's fashion.  Years ago, it was 'cool' to wear large, loose fitting clothing, but styles have changed.  Men are now wearing sleek slim fit pants and boxers often bunch up or wedge in a man's crack if they aren't under loose fitting attire.  Briefs are therefore a prefered choice over boxers for men with sensible up-to-date fashion needs.  

The Cons:  There are of course many cons to wearing briefs as well.  In the same way that briefs can provide support they can also be very constricting and/or restrictive.  There is nothing worse than a pair of briefs that are too tight or improperly cut.  Our goods need to be able to breathe, stretch, and flex as needed.  Also, briefs are often hotter and result in ball and shaft sweating, aka Duck Butter.   There is nothing worse than Duck Butter. Who wants to walk around all day in soggy wet sweat covered underpants.  As the crotch is one of the first areas to sweat (along with the armpits and butt crack), men have to choose wisely when they put on briefs.  This is particularly true of men who live in warm, tropical climates. Lastly, briefs can cause unnecessary chaffing in certain areas.  For example the waist band can be too tight, the tag can be scratchy, or the leg holes can be to effeminate to house your burly, hair covered thighs.  All of these factors must be put into consideration before a man wears briefs.

BAMB! RECOMMENDATION: From our man studies we have concluded that briefs are best for a man who likes a sense of security and purpose.  Briefs are good for a man who is active, who enjoys sports, and who is often involved in activities that involve motion and/or excessive movement. Briefs are also great for a fashionable, professional man who likes slim sleek clothing and prefers to keep his man parts, like his man files, secure in a brief-casing.  Briefs therefore are not for men who prefer leisure, ease of life, comfort, and freedom from structure or restraint.

Two handsome homosexuals wearing boxers 

The Pros: There are many pros to wearing a good pair of boxers.  There was a time when boxers were the preferred choice of underwear for most younger men.  This was particularly true in the late 80s and 90s when young men liked to sag their pants and wear large baggy attire.  But some men have always worn boxers, regardless of fashion trends and styles.  Many badass men we polled  still wear boxers everyday; our polling has however revealed that boxer wears are now in the minority, which reflects a change in the manderwear tide of life.  The primary reasons some men still choose to wear boxers can be summed up as follows:
  • Boxers allow your balls to hang deep and your shaft to wiggle free.
It is certainly true that boxers give your man stuff a freedom that briefs do not.  Some men love this freedom; some are uncomfortable with it.  Do you like to keep your dogs kenneled, or do you like to let them have the run of the house? The basic philosophy behind boxer wearing is to let the dogs have the run of the house!
  • Boxers allow your wanker to stretch, expand, and explore the world, free of any restraint or constriction.
As noted above, briefs keep the goods tucked away and secure.  This comes in handy in an awkward boner moment, but some men would rather embrace the possibility of an awkward boner moment over and against  the discomfort of a boner in tight restrictive briefs.  Such men like to let Captain Winky man his own ship.  No micromanaging here.  When the Captain is ready for a voyage, ship dick sets sail!
  • Boxers are more comfortable for lounging around the house, watching TV and playing video games; they allow your beans & frank to breathe freely while at rest.  
Boxers are definitely more comfortable for lounging around and relaxing.  After a long day of work, most men wanna' hang loose and relax.  There is no better way to relax then to strip out of those tight confining briefs and don a comfortable, loose pair of undershorts!  Accordingly, many regular brief wears will slip into  a pair of comfy boxer shorts to relax, nap, or sleep in.  Truth be told, most men don't sleep in briefs; when resting and relaxing boxers are always best!
  • Boxers are typically looser fitting than briefs and are therefore preferable in warmer climates and with loose or baggy clothing.
As noted, boxers were very popular with young men in the 90s.  In this era guys liked to layer their clothing and boxers are preferable to briefs when layering.  Men also liked to wear loose fitting jeans and baggy shirts, etc. Boxers not only provide more freedom and airflow to the gonads, they also allow men to sag their jeans and expose their ass cracks in public without getting arrested.  Furthermore, the airflow boxers provide results in less sweating and a drastic decline in the formation of Duck Butter.  For this reason, boxers have always been a popular choice with men living in the South, as the climate there is warmer and the accumulation of Duck Butter is therefore greatly increased.

Boxers + public ass crack exposure = dumbass!

The Cons: There are of course many cons to wearing boxers, as well.  For the most part these cons can be summed up by re-articulating all the things briefs provide that boxers do not.  Boxers don't provide any extra support to the berries or the twig.  They leave you hanging.  While hanging loose can be advantageous in warmer climates, helping to avoid Duck Butter, cold climates can be very unpleasant and also lead to temporary shrinkage.  Furthermore, boxers will not only fail to protect your priceless jewels during sport, they will also fail to protect inopportune moments of potential penial exposure, such as awkward boner moments. Boxers are not advisable to wear when being overtly active such as playing sports that  involve lots of running and jumping or when hanging out with attractive, scantly clad women.  And, lastly, boxers can be very uncomofatable and completely impractical if a man is wearing tighter form fitting clothing, as boxers are much baggier than briefs and therefore bunch up and get crammed into unfortunate cracks when they aren't allowed to hang freely.

BAMB! RECOMMENDATION: From our man studies we have concluded that boxers are best worn by men who are a little bit more carefree and fun loving.  The man who wears boxers will probably enjoy surprises.  He is a man who is always up for an unplanned adventure and likes to be exposed to the elements, but he will also like to relax and keep things low key. In short, boxers are for the man who is less concerned with security and purpose and more concerned with freedom and ease of comfort.

A young, fit Mark Wahlberg in boxer-briefs

The Pros:  There are many pros to wearing boxer-briefs.  The boxer-brief is an underwear hybrid designed to be all things to all people… or at least to all men.  Sort of like in the story of the three bears, this porridge is not too hot and not too cold; it’s just right! Or, at least that’s the idea behind the boxer-brief.  Overall, the boxer-brief has become extremely popular for men in the last 20 years.  Our polling results show that it is the overall favorite option among modern men.  Here are their reasons:

  • The boxer-brief provides enough stability to keep the tackle in the box, while also allowing ‘jimmy john’ to go fishing when he wants.

That’s right, the boxer-brief is all about comfort, support, and freedom.  In the right pair of boxer-briefs your junk should have just enough support to keep things secure and safe and just enough freedom to not feel restricted and tight.  But, it should be noted that choosing the right brand and/or cut of boxer-briefs is imperative!  This issue will be discussed further in our cons section.

  • The boxer-brief can be worn for both sporting and leisure, as it allows for both aero-crotch-dynamics and free ball play.

Let’s be honest, most men enjoy being both active and at rest.  Different times call for different measures, and the boxer-brief is a great option for many men because it’s appropriate for all occasions.  When in boxer-briefs, a man need not fear unexpected boners or the slapping of his stick when in motion; boxer-briefs contain the rod and protect the jewels.  Likewise, if a man wants to relax after a hard day on the job, he doesn’t necessarily have to disrobe his underwear.  A comfortable pair of boxer-briefs can, like a pair of boxers, be great for lounging around the house and letting the 'dogs’ rest.

  • The tenaciously tight fit of the boxer-brief allows it to be worn with any sexy man attire, tight or loose; yet, the extra sag in the crotch prevents excess restriction to an already restricted man zone.

Unlike boxers, the boxer-brief can be worn under any attire without excessive bunching or crack wedging.  Also, because the boxer-brief is longer and more closely resembles shorts, it can also be worn under baggy loose fitting pants or around the house for leisure. It is for this reason, and all the reasons above that boxer-briefs have become the preferred option for many men.

Make a fresh batch of Duck Butter in your boxer-briefs

The Cons: At this point, some might think the boxer-brief is the perfect underwear option.  It seems to provide everything a man could need.  Why doesn’t every man wear boxer-briefs?  Well, there are answers to this question.  Firstly, the tight cotton fabric of boxer-briefs is often considerably warmer than either briefs or boxers.  As noted previously, briefs often result in the formation of Duck Butter.  While briefs can be restrictive, they do not extend down the thigh, and therefore allow for more breathability than do boxer-briefs.  As a result, boxer-briefs are the ultimate Duck Butter machines.  A man’s crotch can become a Duck Butter factory if he isn’t careful about which boxer-briefs he wears.  Furthermore, a man must be very careful to choose the right pair of boxer briefs for his body type.  Many men have large, hairy muscular thighs.  The wrong pair of boxer-briefs can be too tight around the legs, which can lead to discomfort.  Also, it is very important to pay close attention to where the boxer-brief designer placed the stitching seams!  Some brands place the seams in awkward places which can lead to severe chaffing (if the seam is near the nut sack) and/or severe wedgies (if the seam follows the line of the ass crack).  Accordingly, all of the boxer-briefs’ potential strengths can also be its potential downfall.  For this reason it is imperative to find the right pair for you.  A good pair will have no awkward stitching, it will be loose where it needs to be loose and tight where it needs to be tight, and it will need to be breathable to avoid Duck Butter accumulation.  Otherwise, the boxer-brief can be the most uncomfortable of all underwear options.  For all these reasons, many men bypass the boxer-brief altogether and stick with what their stick already knows.

BAMB! RECOMMENDATION: From our man studies we have concluded that boxer-briefs are the most popular option for the current man.  The man who wears boxer-briefs will be both practical and sensible.  He will enjoy being both active and at rest.  He will like a little extra edge in his life, but nothing too crazy.  He will live his life on an even keel.  When it comes to the boxer-briefs it's all about finding an equal balance between security and freedom.

Burt don't need no underwear, just body hair!

The Pros:  There are many pros to going commando.  Many men don’t have the balls or swag to step out the front door without some kind of protection around their beans & weenies.  But, for the men who are daring enough and bold enough to give the world the finger, who aren’t afraid to have their hairy ass crack exposed every time they bend over, who choose to live the dream of their Neanderthal cousins and ‘roam free’ … there is no option but the option to disregard underwear all together!  Our man poll showed that this option is the least popular with modern men.  This means one of two things.  Either men have become so domesticated in the modern world that their inner man-animal has been caged, right along with their wankers, or they just aren’t being entirely honest with us, and therefore don’t want to reveal their inner man secrets.  Despite what our polling numbers may say, there are many reasons a man may choose to go commando.  Here are some of them:

  • Going commando is a giant "screw you" to the fickle fashion world that tells men they need to wear expensive, sexy designer manderwear.

A man who goes commando is undoubtedly unconventional.  He does not care what Calvin Kline or Hugo Boss have to say.  He neither cares what his friends, family, wife, or children have to say.  He does what he wants.  He lives the dream because he knows he is in control of his own fate, and to quote Terminator 2: “Our fate is what we make!”

  • Going commando frees a man from all restraint.  He hangs balls deep, open to the elements, and he allows his ‘other half’ to freely embark on its own man explorations.

When going commando the berries and twig are exposed to everything the wilderness of life has to offer.  If it's cold they will experience the cold.  If it is hot they will experience the warmth.  If it is wet and raining they will experience the dampness.   Only a man who is confident and open to experiencing life in its truest and fullest nature will choose to go commando.

  • Commando style is optimal for rest and leisure as it is the least restrictive choice for any man or Neanderthal.

Have you ever slept naked?  Chances are you have, and it was spectacular.  Going commando is like sleeping naked… ALL THE TIME!  At home, in the office, driving to work, shopping for man food… it doesn’t matter what you are doing, you are free, unrestrained, and relaxed when without any underwear.  Commando is the optimal choice for leisure and rest.  For the same reason many men remove their briefs and don boxers for sleeping purposes, many men will remove it all to sleep or lounge around the house!

  • Operation commando is the ultimate Duck Butter destroyer!

No man wants Duck Butter, but most men have accepted it as an unwelcomed fact of life.  This however does not have to be the case!  Fight Duck Butter full force by tossing the underpants aside.  When free of underwear, a man’s crotch is allowed to breathe and stay cool.  As a result, Duck Butter production is reduced or completely eliminated.   This will be a great advantage to many men.  Accordingly, commando style is optimal for warm weather conditions where sweating is more likely to occur.

  • Going commando means less laundry and therefore results in a drastic decline in domestic house work.

Honestly, most men don’t care for domestic house work.  As a result, they usually do as little as possible… whatever they have to do to get by.  One of the most common domestic chores that men participate in is laundry.  Most men know they have to do laundry when their underwear runs out.  Chances are they can wear the same pants and/or shirts again, if the situation requires it.  But, no man wants to put on a pair of soggy old underwear! The only thing worse the Duck Butter is old soggy Duck Butter from three days before.  Accordingly, men usually have to rush their laundry loads when the undergarments dwindle.  However, if a man goes commando he has no such concern.  For many men this will alleviate an unnecessary man stress in their life.

Say no to Duck Butter, go Commando!

The Cons:  In short, commando style is by far the most badass option for men.  But, like all badass options in life, it is also the most risky.  A lot can go wrong during operation commando!  Temperature change is always a factor.  The biggest deterrent will be cold weather, as keeping things warm is imperative; therefore operation commando is only recommended in warmer climates.  Besides temperature, a man must also risk the danger of too much slapping and rattling.  This is most likely to occur if a man intends to be excessively active or in a sporting scenario.  In such a case, only a very brave, and possibly very stupid, man would go commando. Also, while commando style avoids any soggy underpants, it may result in soggy regular pants.  Truth be told, most men prefer to wear their jeans (or pants) several times between washings.  If a man goes commando he will need to wash his pants more often than he would when wearing underpants. Lastly, operation commando leaves you with no protection against inopportune boners and/or other unplanned weenier situations.  For all these reasons most men avoid operation commando unless there is no other immediate option available.  But, some men… the bravest most badass men… will choose to embark on operation commando out of personal choice.

BAMB! RECOMMENDATION: From our man studies we have concluded that operation commando is the least popular of man options.  This is because it is also the most extreme and arguably the most badass.  The man who goes commando is a man to be reckoned with.  He is a free spirit who lives his life his way and therefore disregards social and societal norms.  He won't be afraid to let it all hang out.  He will like adventure and most importantly simplicity.  The man who chooses to go commando is a minimalist; he is anti-authoritarian; he is reckless; he is free of all restraints!

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